Observing Kache

Day 25
Nila was driving by my arena as I was sitting on Kache the night before and she knew the horse was unhappy and wondered if she was in pain. So the plan for the day was to put her in a pen and watch, I mean really really observe the horse, nothing else. So bucket sitting is where I started with Kache in a medium size corral. I remember Jack Brainard telling me my most powerful tool as a horseman is the power of observation. So I just watched Kache with a very keen eye, not asking her to do anything as I sat on my bucket in the middle of the pen being as neutral as possible. At first I put her buddy Peepers in with her. She is also an Arab with a similar build, I thought that would give me something to compare to. I was trying to see what I had been missing. Is there a lameness issue, I had failed to see? What? What? What is it? They pranced around and played a little bit. I couldn't seem to detect any lameness in Kache, but Peepers was moving with a lot more freedom, and there was brace in Kache's body, plus she was throwing bucks in for fun every now and then and Peepers seemed to just be floating around on the air. After about 7-8 minutes Peepers came over to join me, she just stood there by me for at least 5 minutes. Then she wandered off again for a while, but it wasn't long and she was back by my side. I didn't touch her, I just sat there as she stood close by. All this time and Kache had not even looked my way once. She was mainly doing figure 8's on one side of the corral as far away from Peepers and I as possible.

Keith then brought in my horses and as they gallop by our corral Peepers ran off and Kache and her got excited running around playing a bit more. Then as my horses lined up on the fence by the corral we were working in Peepers went over to greet them, squeal and do horsey things. Kache ignored the whole bunch and did not join them. She kept doing her patter figure 8. Another thing she was doing a lot of is the head tossing in a circle thing that a dominant horse often does. I see my head horse Dozer doing it at the others to chase them away from his hay pile.

After Peepers was finished talking with my horses she interestingly enough joined me again rather than Kache. She stayed with me the rest of the time. A good 45 minutes has gone by now and Kache has shown not even the slightest interest in me or Peepers. I have not asked one thing of either horse, I am just letting them be who they are and do what they want. I decide to walk to the gait and put Peepers out in the other arena. I get up, she follows, I open the gait she walks out with me. I thought for sure Kache would try to follow but she did not. So I went back to my resting place on the mounting block to watch. I sat there for 2 more hours and Kache did not attempt to come to me, ever. As I sat there I kept praying, Lord, show me something that will make a difference for this horse, I only have 5 days left. It is obvious that she has no desire to have a connection with me when given complete free choice. I realize that we are stealing rides on her, and I guess if I were a good enough bronc rider, you may be able to ride her until she quits. But that is not the way I do things, nor the way I feel is best for a horse. It may work and it may not, but I am not willing to sacrifice my body to find out. I've done everything with her and much more that I did with the past 30 horses that I have started and yet, she is
still not accepting the partnership I have offered her. Oh Yea, she is obedient
now when she is on-line, but it isn't the kind of feel that I believe is in there somewhere. I just haven't accessed it yet.

Nila was driving by so we decided to now ask Kache to move around at different speeds in different directions to watch how she moves and handles changes etc. Neither of us believe we saw any signs of lameness or pain, just brace in the mind which follows through in the body. As we moved her around, Peepers was running up and down the other arena and actually putting a lot more effort into her movement. When we stopped Peepers did not have an sweat on her and Kache was drenched. They are both in great physical shape. Another sign I believe that Kache was very emotional and Peepers was moving about with freedom in her mind and body. But Kache is holding in a lot of pain in her mind and emotions. Where it comes from, I have no idea. I have tried everything I know to help her through it. So I decided to go for a long relaxing trail ride on Peepers and think on it. I was gone a good two hours. As I rode her I worked on the relaxed walk her owner desires.

When I got back I unsaddled her and went back in the corral with Kache. As I entered it was the first time all day that she had acknowleged me. She watched me as I walked to my resting place, but the moment I sat back down she began walking her pattern again, ignoring me. I sat there for about 15-20 minutes then left. Caught Maiden and went for a 2 hour ride, worked on the same things I had done the previous day. Came back and repeated the same thing with Kache again. However this time when I walked into the corral she started to follow me to the resting place, but left before I got there. Same thing happened so after another 15-20 minutes I went to catch Wildfire. Rode her for 2 hours, worked on perfecting her sidepass over logs, backing through L's, canter transitions. Leads on line, etc. By this time, Kache had been in this corral for 10 hours. I feed the other horses and by now she really wants out of there. I walk in and she follows me clear to the resting place, but the moment I sit down she leaves. So I watch her ignore me for about 5 minutes, I decide she has outlasted me and I am ready to give in. I pick up the mounting block and move it closer to the gate, she approaches me comes close, stays for about 5 seconds then leaves again. I sit for another 5 minutes, get up move the mounting block closer to the gate, she repeats but stays maybe 10 seconds. I move a little closer to the gate, she repeats. I realize the only reason she wants to be with me, is I am
her only ticket out of here and back to her pen which is where she would rather
be. She is training me to do what she wants. I get clear to the gate, touch it and here she comes. I give in put the halter on and rescue her. But I know in my heart she is not with me. She is using me. Smart horse. When we are walking back to her pen, I know she is not with me, because she is trying to lead me. I put her in her pen and hang with her for another 20 minutes just petting her. Then I feed her and call it a day.

Another very very very long and exhausting one. I have no idea at this point where to go from here. I feel totally defeated and disappointed. I think about throwing in the towel, raising the white flag and humbling admitting that I have met my match. I decide to think on it and pray about it a lot, because it is the first time I have ever wanted to give up on a horse. Sunshine was just as difficult to crack as this horse and in fact was more dangerous than this horse, but I had years and all the time I wanted to develop the relationship with slow progression and it worked. I feel that Sunshine do have a partnership now and if I bucket sit with her, she chooses very quickly to come hang out with me.

Day 26
Fast forward to Sunday morning devotions and church, a much needed time away from the horses. The sermon is on Job. A man who learned to persevere even in the toughest of times. He never gave up and never cursed God for all the bad things that happened to him. So I will not give up and I will take care of Kache right up until the end because her owner has entrusted me to do that. I will keep up my work in faith and love exactly as I set out to do at the beginning of this month. I will guard this precious horse that is in my custody and give her my very best until she is with me no more. I don't have a great new plan of some super duper technique or magic pill that will solve all the problems, but I will continue on in faith that what I do will eventually work given the right time. When the going gets rough, when I take it on the chin, I will get back up and persevere. It is the diligent farmer who gets the produce. So I will remain diligent. I don't know what the next 4 days will bring, but when it is over, I will know that I never gave up and I gave it my all, even if my all wasn't enough.

I left Kache in her pen all day. Thought it was best to give her and me a day off. What we will do tomorrow morning with her, depends more on her than on us. Repeating the basic essentials over and over can never hurt, so I am sure we will start there.